The characters might have the vocal presence of a Paw Patrol baddie, but their visual design is frequently remarkable. Sometimes that's all it wants to be other times it seeks to lecture at length about nothing whatsoever of consequence.īut there's so much to like here, loreballs aside, which is why I'm frustrated by Darksiders III's jerky flow. In practice, what that means is "spiky demon lady kills a lot of skeletons and giant bugs with a whip made of razorblades". The plot, for what it's worth, concerns Fury, a horsewoman of the apocalypse, battling against what is apparently the wrong kind of apocalypse. There's nothing and no-one to anchor to in that regard. It eases off a little after that, but throughout, every character is stuck in one of two instantly-tiresome modes: thin snark or vengeful anger. I've been away for three months on paternity leave, and sitting through that cutscene had me praying for a return to malodorous nappies and endless screaming. Ian's soporific monotone is most present in the overlong and panto-performed introduction. The visual design of the seven deadly sin-themed bosses can be startling, but then they open their mouths and drone out Ian Loredump's all-time most-tedious anecdotes. It can look so beautiful in one scene, and so insipid in the next. It can feel so good one minute, so aggravating the next. I'm mostly on the side of the former, and blame the latter on a sporadic lack of refinement rather than the game's fundamental nature. I've moved, more times than I can count, from feeling the itch to play more DS3 to wanting to angrily uninstall it and never think of it again. That, and the fact it feels so good when it is a joyous song of combos and carnage. If it were Soulsian through and through I could accept that happily, but it's the switching, the janky flow, that prevents this. Same goes for the wonderful hand-feel of a well-landed combo that sprays fire, lightning and chains everywhere in a shower of joyous ultra-violence, versus the stilted annoyance of an ever-so-slightly mis-timed dodge that results in three near-lethal thumps from whichever big lad you were trying to run past on your long trek back to your sixth grim attempt at a thoughtlessly-checkpointed boss. Same goes for the gorgeously gloomy and artistically ambitious environments which house bosses, versus the almost noughties MMO-ish cyclic blandness of the general combat areas. I find it hard to equate the merry old time I had pummelling rotting angels in wide-open wastelands with getting repeatedly ganked by swarms of bugs down in the claustrophobic subway section.
One moment demonic fantasy, third-person hack'n'slash action game Darksiders III is a From-style, purgatorial survival-ramble of precision dodging (but in far less canny levels), the next it's wanton, joyfully overpowered carnage. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes Ian Loredump shows up uninvited and ruins everything. "Nah, man, just like, have a good time all the time." Susan and Kevin are both dear friends of mine, but boy, oh boy do they not get on.ĭarksiders III often plays like a valiant attempt to create a truce between the two of them. Kevin Diablo rolls his bleary eyes and leans back in his chair. "Practice and penance!" snarls Susan Dark Souls, slamming a gnarled first into the table.
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